Recalling Your Sexual Past

As our sexuality evolves, we often view past experiences through a new lens. In our pursuit of personal growth, we can become judgmental of what we once believed or the choices we have made. This change in perspective may lead to regret or shame, especially when reflecting on our past sexual lives.

Part of our growth certainly includes recognizing when past choices have been harmful to ourselves or others and taking responsibility for changing. However, we might also get stuck in ruminating about the past or regretting having not had different experiences. When you reflect on your past, you might recognize that you were focused on trying to please a partner to the detriment of your own enjoyment. Perhaps you tried to maximize your number of sex partners to impress your friends. Alternately, you might see that you chose not to have sexual experiences out of fear or because of values that have now changed.

When you recall your younger self trying to navigate sexual experiences with less self-awareness, bring a sense of care and understanding to your reflections. If sex was an avenue for validation, remember how it was to want a sense of self-esteem or security with a partner. Consider now how you have more of a solid sense of yourself and can choose sex for pleasure and connection. 

We grow through self-reflection and through experience. I encourage you to continue embracing the current version of your sexual self while recognizing the journey as a path of growth.