Listen to Your Lover

What makes talking about sex hot? Feeling like your lover cares about what you’re saying! If you want your partner to feel turned on, let them know that you are listening to their desires as well as their feelings and their boundaries.

Practice being present as you listen to your lover’s thoughts and feelings. Reflect back to your partner what you are hearing so they know you understand what they are sharing. If your partner is sharing a desire that turns you on, they might feel safer to share more or feel closer to you if they know you are really into what they are saying. When they share a desire that you also have a desire for, let them know while also making more space to keep listening. 

“I also love having my body wrapped around yours. What do you enjoy about these moments?”

If they express a desire for something you would not enjoy, share with them that you appreciate that they are talking with you about their desires, even those that you may not share. Listen with an open heart to what your lover wants, and ask questions with true curiosity to more deeply understand what they desire.

“Thanks for telling me you’d like to have music playing when we make love. What type of music sets the mood for you?”

If your partner expresses feeling anxious or self-conscious about expressing sexual desires, rather than pressing them to share, lovingly validate that you hear they are feeling anxious. You might ask if there is anything that may help them feel more relaxed or safe in this moment. Remember you are listening to understand, not with an agenda to hear what you want to hear.

If you want to know your lover more intimately, practice listening with an open heart.