5 Tips for Playful Sexual Energy

Many of us experience the ebbs and flows of passion and sexual energy in our relationships. Especially in long term relationships, we may naturally find ourselves feeling disconnected sexually from time to time. While familiar sexual routines can be a satisfying source of comfort and connection, there are times when they lend to us feeling empty or showing up on autopilot. Whether you relate to this, or you simply want to expand your sexual horizons, here are some ways to enliven your sexual dynamic. 

1. Novelty…isn’t the key

When we want to feel a renewed sense of passion, the key is really our relationship dynamic, not the activities we are doing. Novelty in regards to creative and adventurous sex acts, new toys, edgy role play, and so on, is not necessarily going to bring us the feeling we are seeking unless we are in a space of presence, connection and trust.

2. Presence 

When we bring presence to intimacy, every experience becomes novel. Rather than being on autopilot, we can focus on bringing our whole selves to the experience – mind, body, and heart. Our capacity to enjoy new, playful sexual experiences heavily depends on how each person shows up and the container we co-create. 

3. The Container

Changing up our sexual dynamic, initiating something unfamiliar to the relationship, and asking for our previously unspoken desires can be vulnerable. To honor that vulnerability, we can co-create a container that lowers the stakes of the experience and prioritizes the connection with our partner. We might identify certain energies that are important to hold, such as non-judgement, curiosity, and trust. 

4. Prioritize the connection

Spicing things up is really about being on an adventure with our partner and deepening our connection in a way that we trust one another and feel safe enough to express and explore our desires. Sharing our desire in a safe space can strengthen the bond and passion with our partner. We can begin to attune to our partner, perhaps noticing how their eyes light up when we feel and express a “yes” to something they are strongly interested in. 

5. It takes two

For a safe container to explore sexually, both partners must invest themselves. We can bring our partner into the conversation, and start the playfulness here, asking one another about our desires. We can bring equity to the relationship and increase passion by giving each person space to express their desires, which also gives each person the opportunity to receive the expression of their partner’s desire. 

When we are present and rooted in a safe, loving connection with our partner, we expand the possibilities for play, passion and pleasure. We can experience the familiar more deeply and with a new lens. We also have a greater capacity to explore new desires and be sexually adventurous. By making our bond the focus and foundation of sexual exploration, we are able to revive our passion in a deeper, longer lasting way.