Softening the Inner Critic
Does your internal voice offer you feedback with respect and understanding, or does the feedback come as harsh criticism? If your internal narrator is often unkind, this may lead to a low sense of self-worth.
The inner critic may also sabotage our relationships. We may not fully be able to trust or receive our partner’s love and commitment if we have a sinking feeling that deep down we are not worthy of a healthy relationship. With a low sense of self-worth, our insecurity may leave us feeling hypersensitive to any hint of conflict or disagreement. We might maintain emotional distance from our partner, and we may become defensive when we feel vulnerable, both of which can undermine our relationships.
We can significantly improve the quality of our lives and our relationships when we attend to the ways in which we talk to ourselves. With awareness, we can begin to diffuse the influence of our inner critic. Here are some tips to begin to reclaim our sense of self-worth and become more emotionally invested in our relationships.
Practice mindfulness of self-talk. Meditation and mindfulness practices help us begin to slow down and observe our thoughts rather than identifying with our thoughts. Just because our inner critic says we aren’t good enough doesn’t mean it’s true.
Bring curiosity to our inner critic. As we begin to notice self-defeating narratives, we can become curious about these thoughts. Where does this belief come from? Is it true, and how do I know it’s true? What about my experience might prove it false? Are these my words or someone else’s? What is this voice trying to protect me from? Processing through journaling or in a therapy session can be helpful.
Cultivate self-compassion. As we start to separate from our self-critical thoughts, we can generate a sense of self-compassion and kindness. We might find compassion for how our inner critic may have tried to protect us in the past, and now we are in a phase of life where we no longer need its efforts. Practicing loving-kindness meditation can soothe our mind and heart, and we can begin to rewire how we relate to ourselves.
Notice gratitude for our relationship. As we have started to allow more self-love through offering ourselves compassion and loving-kindness, we can open up to feelings of gratitude for having a partner that loves and appreciates us. When we are in a loving relationship where we have struggled to fully receive, we can begin to practice allowing the love in through gratitude.
