Acknowledging Sexual Trauma
Living with unresolved past sexual trauma can lend towards feelings of loneliness and despair. However, we are not alone; according to the CDC, over half of women and nearly one in three men experience sexual trauma in their lifetime. We live in a culture where the survivor is often blamed, and many of us internalize those messages and blame ourselves. Because of the nature of trauma and the difficult feelings that can surround it, including survivor-blaming, we don’t always recognize the harm that has occurred.
Part of what can contribute to our confusion around the event of sexual trauma is our survival response. When we are under duress, our mind and body will kick into survival mode, a function of the sympathetic nervous system. Many people associate survival mode with the behaviors of fight (fighting off the threat) or flight (fleeing from the threat). Under many circumstances, fight or flight may not be viable options, and we may freeze or appease the person causing harm as a means of self-preservation. We may also default to freeze or appease mode if we have experienced past traumas in which fight or flight were not options. Especially when this happens unconsciously, we can blame ourselves because it might appear that on some level we allowed or invited what occurred. Going into freeze or appease mode are legitimate survival skills, as we are attempting to acquiesce to the person in power in order to suffer the least harm possible. Additionally, the experience of arousal non-concordance can contribute to feelings of confusion, self-blame, and shame. Arousal non-cordance describes the body becoming aroused even when the experience is unwanted and distressing.
Overwhelmed by shame, confusion, and lack of support, we may have rationalized and minimized experiences of sexual abuse. True recognition of the harm we experienced may not register until years or decades later. Although looking back at these experiences can be distressing, this opens the door to healing so we can again feel safe to be present, relaxed, and embodied. We can work with self-compassion as we heal the bridge between our mind and body. We can rebuild trust in our bodies and discover our voice in expressing our desires and boundaries.
Healing from traumatic experiences is possible, and we don’t have to go through the process alone. Trauma-informed sex therapy brings in the wisdom of the body in addition to processing verbally. Therapy sessions can include somatic work, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and guidance in identifying and communicating boundaries to others.
