What Are Your Hidden Desires?

Do you know what turns you on? Does your partner know? Do you enjoy exploring your sexual desire? We can enhance our sexual experiences when we feel courageous or confident enough to embrace our desires, even through fantasy.

If you don’t know what you desire, you might find these interests are hiding behind anxiety or shame. If you typically feel stressed by the idea of having sex, you are likely disconnected from knowing what you’d enjoy. When we are stressed or anxious, we are in constriction and self-protection, which is not a state for desiring pleasure or connection.

Discovering your sexual desire requires a sense of safety and permission to be present in your body. When you allow yourself to know and accept your desires, you can decide whether to keep these in fantasy, to explore them on your own, or to share them with a partner. 

Does sharing your sexual desires with a partner feel risky? If so, what are the risks you fear?

What would be important for you in sharing? You may need to hear that your partner won’t judge your sexuality. You may need to trust that you won’t be self-critical. You might need to be able to tolerate feeling embarrassed by sharing something so personal.

Within a stable relationship, we can challenge ourselves to take the risk of feeling vulnerable and allow this to be an opportunity for excitement rather than fear. Sharing your sexual desires can be a pathway both to enhance your sexual relationship and to have a deeper emotional connection with a partner.