Initiating Sexual Intimacy

Are you nervous about initiating an erotic experience? Has initiating always been the role of a partner? Imagine how developing confidence in expressing desire can be empowering. 

If you are uncomfortable expressing your sexual interest to your partner, consider what is getting in the way. If you don’t feel confident in your sexual expression, you might be concerned you’ll look foolish. Are you worried that you or your partner will judge you for not being suave? Criticism is a turn-off. Enhancing your sexual relationship will certainly feel more fun if you and your partner are kind to each other and to yourselves. 

If you put energy into worrying about how it will go, you’ll lose your own desire. Let the risk of expressing desire add to your excitement. You don’t know if your partner will be interested until you show them you are in the mood. They may or may not be open to an erotic experience in that moment, and your partner saying no doesn’t have to be a problem. Don’t miss out on the possibility that they could say yes.

So how do you initiate? Just let your desire show. You can use words or body language to communicate how you feel and what you want. Eroticism and sexual intimacy involve the connection and passion between you and your partner. Speak to your partner’s erotic mind, engage your partner’s senses, and connect with your partner’s emotions.

You may engage their senses by nuzzling their neck, sensually touching the back of their head, or running your fingers down their back. What are the ways you enjoy touching your partner that are also ways your partner likes to be touched?

You might describe to your partner what you want to do or what you want them to do. This could be as simple as saying you want to lead them to the bedroom, or this could be as complex as describing a fantasy in detail. 

You could tell your partner what you are feeling in your body or what you want to feel, such as saying you can feel your body pulsing or you’d like to feel the warmth of your bodies touching. 

You may connect emotionally in all of these ways, and you could verbalize how much you enjoy being close to them or how intense you feel your connection is.

Explore what feels authentic to you and what you sense your partner would enjoy. The better you know yourself and your partner, the more intense and arousing initiating can be.