Finding Pleasure in Sensual Touch

Women often describe feeling emotionally connected to their partners through affectionate touch. However, I frequently hear from female clients that when their partners move from affectionate to erotic touch at a time when they not desire sex, they may begin to feel uncomfortable. If this sounds like your experience, imagine what types of touch you might enjoy feeling if you did not have a sense of pressure or expectation for sex.

What feels different in your body and your mind when touch moves from affectionate to sensual or from sensual to sexual? How do you respond in these moments? Are you excited, annoyed, or maybe anxious?

Consider whether you and your partner may enjoy touch that feels more sensual than affectionate but that does not register to your body and mind as erotic. This space between affection and eroticism can be an amazing place to explore pleasurable sensations. Sensual touch may also provide an avenue to communicate nonverbally your attraction and love. 

When you and your partner embrace pleasurable touch that is not driven by the expectation of sex, you create space for presence to fully enjoy each moment. By removing the notion of sex as the ultimate goal, the desire for sexual intimacy may at times naturally increase and flourish because you’ve removed the pressures that turn off arousal. Whether or not removing an expectation of sex actually results in increased sexual desire, your relationship benefits from creating more opportunities for both partners to enjoy pleasurable touch and to feel more emotionally connected through touch.