Giving and Receiving Pleasure

When we are in safe loving relationships, we can still be anxious about our intimate interactions, and this can bring tension to what would otherwise be a genuine expression of love between partners. 

When you give touch, are you nervous about whether you are “doing it right?” 

When you receive touch, are you uncomfortable with the attention, worried about whether you are feeling what you “should” feel, or anxious if you perceive you are not in control? 

If either of these is difficult for you, consider being in this role with your partner in a different way. When you receive touch, try to relax into the sensations and allow yourself to deeply feel the experience on a sensory and emotional level. Notice how your body is responding to sensation, and notice whether you are desiring the touch to shift into a softer or firmer touch, faster or slower movement, more or less intense, or to different areas of your body.

When you give touch, try to tune in to your partner’s experience from a place of curiosity and care rather than from worry. As you are giving touch, also notice the pleasure you feel from giving. The more attuned you are to your own experience and your partner’s experience, the more naturally this intimacy dance will flow. Learning how to give pleasurable touch occurs through a shared experience with the receiver giving verbal and/or non-verbal feedback about what is enjoyable.

As you each tune in to your own experiences and desires, you can co-create sexual interactions that are pleasurable for both of you.