Gratitude For Your Partner
If you are in a long-term relationship, do you still appreciate your partner? Once we have built a life with someone, we typically develop expectations and assumptions, both of which can interfere with gratitude for who they are and for what they contribute to our lives.
What might you be taking for granted that you could appreciate? Begin with noticing the little things. Does your partner smile when they see you? Do they say “I love you” when ending a phone call? Do they listen when you talk about a difficult conversation you had with a co-worker?
Notice the moments when your partner is actively doing something to support you or to contribute to your shared responsibilities for the home. Do they leave work to pick up a sick child from school so you can keep a work commitment? Do they offer to help bring in groceries from the car? Do they clean the kitchen after you cook? Do they review household finances and pay the bills every month? Their action may be based in their awareness in the moment that you could use support, or their action may be based on an agreement of what their responsibilities are in the home. If you easily feel gratitude for their spontaneous support, practice feeling gratitude for their investment in doing the tasks you have both agreed are their responsibilities.
What are the big-picture parts of your relationship you could appreciate more? Did your partner consider your wishes and needs when you decided together where to live? Did your partner support you emotionally, logistically, or financially in building your career? Did you feel understood and respected in conversations about whether or when to have children? Does your partner invest in financial decisions that also feel important to you?
Do you recognize and appreciate your partner for their personality, values, and skills? Do they tell the funniest jokes or plan enjoyable vacations? Do they engage you in meaningful conversations? Do they bring stability to your life, or perhaps excitement? Does your partner challenge you to be open to perspectives you might not have otherwise considered?
Do you love how your partner loves you? Do they say just what you need to hear? Do they hold hands with you when you go to sleep at night? Do they sit quietly with you without a need to fill the space with words? Do they understand you in ways you feel no one else does?
As you read through these examples, were you focused on what your partner does or what you wish your partner would do? Appreciating what your partner contributes does not dismiss your unmet needs. Rather, the appreciation can bring us back to a balanced place with a clear view of how the relationship is beneficial as well as the areas in which we want the relationship to grow or the places where we need others in our lives in addition to our partner.
If you noticed you have room to feel more gratitude for your partner, consider setting a daily intention of feeling grateful. You may even challenge yourself and your partner to a nightly ritual of sharing one thing about each other you are grateful for.
