Sexual Intimacy for Queer Women in LTR

Do you miss the sexual energy you felt with your wife or girlfriend the first few years you were together? Have you felt a shift to long-term partners with deep love that feels more like family than lovers? 

You may already be aware that sexual connection tends to occur less often over the years in long-term relationships. When you understand the reasons for reduced frequency in your relationship, you may also discover ways to enhance your sexual connection again.

Women tend to want emotional intimacy before they are open to sexual intimacy. If there are relational challenges that have led to emotional distance and self-protection, processing these issues in couples therapy may be an important step in reconnecting on a sexual level.

If you and your partner have a caring and thoughtful dynamic, you may already have the emotional safety that is essential for vulnerability in sexual intimacy. Explore ways to add excitement to your dynamic, which may include a sense of mystery, adventure, or just remembering that there is more to discover about your lover than you acknowledge to yourself. 

Many women tend to have responsive rather than spontaneous sexual desire in long-term relationships. Because of this common sexual response in women, queer female couples may find that neither partner is experiencing sexual desire or initiating sexual intimacy as often as earlier in their relationship. When you each understand your own pathways to sexual desire and share this with your partner, you can co-create sexual connection with intentionality. Choosing to invite responsive sexual desire involves opening to the possibility of being turned on mentally and aroused physically. Look for opportunities to create sensual and erotic moments that heighten pleasure and connection without focusing on the outcome.

There are of course many other reasons that you may have less frequent erotic experiences, and identifying some of the obstacles that life presents can help you consider what you may be able to change or accept. Communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to explore together are essential components in cultivating sexual intimacy.