Self-Pleasure for Sexual Enhancement
begin self-pleasure so early of our lives that this activity has been witnessed in ultrasound imaging well before we are taught what we should or should not do. Self-stimulation is an important aspect of learning about physical pleasure, feeling comfortable in our bodies, and developing confidence in our sexual expression. Masturbation can also interfere with each of these aspects, depending on how we engage in self-pleasure both behaviorally and cognitively.
Because of shame around masturbation, youth often learn to do this quickly before they get in trouble. Unfortunately this strategy in sexual development can ultimately lead to quick goal-oriented sex, whether alone or with a partner. Masturbation can also become a replacement for partnered sexual intimacy because it may seem easier and less complicated. As with many aspects of life, the less we invest, the less we receive in return. If masturbation is used as avoidance of intimacy, you may be limiting how connected you could feel to your partner. Consider instead that self-pleasuring can enhance your sexual relationship with your partner if you invest both in enjoying your own touch and also in bringing your sexual desires to your partner.
If masturbation frequently involves porn use, consider the content you are pairing with the reward of orgasm. Is this experience contributing positively to your sexual relationship with yourself and/or a partner? Some difficulties resulting from frequent porn use include being self-critical of one’s body, not being attracted to or being disinterested in sex with one’s partner, and having unrealistic expectations of what should happen during sex. Remember that porn is fantasy material and not how people usually engage in sex. If you watch movies daily and think your life should be what is portrayed by Hollywood, you will likely be disappointed and bored with your actual life. Similarly porn is entertainment, so please do not learn from this source what you think good sex is. If you include auditory or visual erotic content with masturbation, consider feminist-directed porn or erotica without relying entirely on the fantasy for your pleasure.
I encourage you to make time for self-pleasuring through exploring various sensations your body enjoys. If there is a specific technique that your rely on for a quick climax, choose to not use this favorite strategy for a bit so you can discover other ways to feel pleasure. Variety is important in sexual excitement, and you can increase the intensity of pleasure when you are deeply connected to what your body feels. You may find it difficult to stay present during masturbation if you are critical of your body or don’t feel you deserve pleasure. Rather than escaping into fantasy, you can learn to eroticize the experience you are creating. Masturbation can be an enjoyable experience of learning to see yourself as sexy and knowing your own experience is hot.
